This time last week I was an anxious mess. We were about to go into lockdown number three and I, like teachers and parents across the country, was waiting to see what the stupid Government would say about schools opening. I think the anxiety of having our health and safety in the hands of people who are totally irresponsible and bad at their jobs is worse than that of being in school with no social distancing at all. Early Years settings ended up being lost in the school closures, which was unsurprising since I feel like we get overlooked in Education almost all the time anyway. But once the kids came back on Wednesday I was full of love again. It’s hard to not feel happy when a week at school goes well, where crying has been minimal and the new two year olds have settled in super well and seem to be thriving. My heart was full by Friday, full enough that I decided to stay put till the end of the school year.
It’s the start of the year and as always I think about what I want to do better, what I want to achieve. I’ve never been one to make resolutions, because I end up forgetting them by the time February rolls around. But this year I am in this weird situation where life and work are so perfectly balanced. I only work four hours in the morning which leaves a good chunk of the day left over for creativity, adventure and growth. Since I have to go into Central London every day anyway I try and walk more around areas I love, areas I don’t visit so much, areas I know where I can buy food from any shop that’s having a rough time. I have plenty of time to write, draw or paint as well as binge in a little K-Drama or anime. To set out clothes for the next day, actually do chores instead of just lying down tired and not knowing if I have energy to eat. There is one main goal this year, to find a new teaching job not in the UK, to visit Pakistan, to go back to Chicago to tie up all my loose ends, hug all my friends and family and sort out the stuff I left behind and to finally go back to Canada after over 10 years of being away. I hope this time next year I’ll write this from a whole new place, only time (and COVID) will tell.
I want to write in this blog more, and I am setting aside Sunday as the day where I try to publish something. It might be something like this, where I just ramble like this is my diary, or it might be something more productive. I found this all daunting because I thought everything I wrote had to be engaging and had to fulfill a purpose but honestly what I want to do is write about things I love. I want to tell you why I found BTS at exactly the right time in life, about how I am slowly being more confident and open about things I love that I never used to talk about like anime. I want to tell you what YouTube channels I think are amazing and how I could endlessly watch comic book movies as an escape from life. Maybe I will write about all these things, we’ll see.
I told someone at the end of last year that I feel like my brain has healed, like I’ve stepped out of a fog that has consumed me since I was about 17 years old. I remember being 15 and sitting on my bed drawing, painting and writing for hours on end. Granted I didn’t have a smartphone, a whole ton of entertainment streaming at the touch of a button and a computer in my room so perhaps I was a little less distracted, but still I’ve felt a little more like that teenager recently. Sitting in my room working on things just because I am driven to do so, rather than procrastinating or wasting my evenings because I’m too tired to actually focus. I combine the streaming with working now, it’s good.
Anyway that’s enough rambling for this week. I’ll leave you some stuff I’m enjoying right now…
This is a playlist of songs I’ve loved in Twenty Twenty that actually came out in Twenty Twenty. It’s super varied in genre and I find it a lot of fun. You can give it a listen if you like!